CPS: Helpful or Harmful?

My first bedroom was a closet. I shared a room with my younger brother until I was almost eight. One of those bedrooms was our two beds in our kitchen. I ate government cheese. I remember food stamps. Actual paper bills that tore out of the little book. Our cereal came sugarless and in bags. I wore second-hand clothing, homemade dresses, and holy shit, I was happy!

Then I grew up and had babies of my own. My boys shared a bedroom. I co-slept with my youngest- because they weren’t having it any other way. I had my children in the ER with bruises, head injuries, broken bones- all while on Medicaid.

And I’ll tell you what- I am damn lucky that I am white. Were I a person of color, or lived in a larger urban area, I would have been taken from my parents. My kids would have been taken from me.

Families of color face these same problems and lose their kids for it. What is going on? Since when is poverty a reason to take children from the love of their parents? And while it isn’t only colored people losing their kids, they are the largest demographic facing this bullshit.

When a mom or dad is too scared to call 911 or take their child to a doctor, we know we are doing something wrong. Potentially critical help is being missed because the entire system is broken.

And regardless of what anyone will tell you, this is a commissioned business. There are private foster care organizations that make money from taking these children from their families. Title IV-E, which is a government-funded shtick, pays these people for each child they take and place in foster care, and then they profit again if the child is adopted out. I’m sure you can imagine how easy they DO NOT make it on parents to be reunited with their babies.

Why would they? What would their motivation be? There is NOT funding to help parents get the things and/or skills they need to keep their children or get them back. They impose checklists that a parent needs to complete to regain custody, to only reach the end and be handed extensions and new goals to meet.

“This class needs to be taken again”

“Now you need to do this, too.”

They move the finish line over and over again until they can accuse the parent of abandonment and then- BAM- their child is now eligible for adoption. Cha-ching!

Parents are having their babies taken, or not returned, for things such as missing Lamaze classes, each child not having their own room, their clothes not being stored in dressers, their children not having breakfast, clothing, or homes that are too small. And trust me, I wish I was kidding about the missed Lamaze classes. That particular expectant mother was working 2 jobs and hence couldn't attend the classes.

Total sidebar, I have taken a childbirth preparation class. And while the information was valuable in regards to knowing what was happening when I was in labor, I didn't need it. Babies deliver themselves. I literally could not have fucked it up or stopped it. Not to mention the beast of a human at my feet was very educated and knew what they were doing. So, what gives?

Parents also lose their kids for things like mental health problems and addiction. I’m sorry, but no. These are not reasons children need to be taken from their parents. These things are fixable. All of them. There is treatment for these things.

Bedrooms are for sleeping. Not for “activities”. No one ever has died because they sleep in the same room as their siblings, or even their parent/s. Read that again and un-wad your panties, I said same room, not same bed. Although I have done that also. My youngest slept in my bed. I shared a bunk-bed with my middle son for at least a year. EVERYONE IS FINE.

Regardless, parents who are poor are not bad parents. I don’t understand where the government programs are. My kids got free breakfast at school. All of the kids did, regardless of financial status of the family. My kids often qualified for free lunches. I am all for our tax dollars going to help kids, even when that means helping the parents. I had a judge tell my ex that my rent, car payment, all of it was so I could support my child. It’s no different with government programs.

Clearly Big Orange wants to put the kibosh on these kinds of programs, but thankfully his reign of terror won’t last forever. We need to support parents. And don’t give me your “They just need to work harder" fuckery. Because that is a line of total shit.

Our economy is a joke. There is no “work harder”. The system is built to keep the downtrodden down. So if people need help to support their kids, they should get it. Parents should get help getting beds if they need. They should get help getting a dresser if the ridiculous system needs them to have one. They should get help going to get therapy or drug treatment WITHOUT losing their children. There are programs that allow a parent to take their children with them to rehab. A financial, healthcare, or mental health problem does not automatically disqualify you from being a good and loving parent.

People need to re-frame their thought process. Instead of thinking about giving parents a free ride, imagine the truth. We are creating a healthy and supportive environment for children to thrive in with the parents the deeply love.

I don’t have the answers, but we need to stop stealing children from their families and find a way for them to stay with their mommies and daddies. Because regardless of what you think of their parents, those people are those babies’ worlds. And unless you are doing something to help to support parents, we don’t care what you think anyway.

I was poor, and I was also very happy and loved. A child does not need money to be loved and cared for. Not in the most important ways. I had clothing. It wasn’t new, but it covered me. I had food. It was government provided and most likely store brand, but it filled my belly. Kids don’t care about their parents’ finances.

They care about who in their life loves them.